....with the power of a thousand chins.

What really vexes me sometimes is that there is no universal language for writing down musical sounds using the regular alphabet. Sometimes there is some awesome riff you wanna share with someone when you are limited to a text format and it just isn't possible.
This has to change.
Not sure I'm up to the task though.

When I started trying to learn guitar I invented my own system of writing down notes as the traditonal method seemed like too much trouble.

I never did finish learning to play guitar.

my name is early

Tommorrow daylight saving time is being initiated once more.
As everyone knows, daylight savings was invented so farmers could celebrate Mothers Day before their early morning tractor race meet.

This means we all get one less hour of sleep which will probably result in several unfinished dreams clogging up the aether.

Be careful if you're using other-wordly modes of transport.

Bump Dip Bump

As soon as it gets less cold (but not that un-cold) I'm gonna go for a very long walk, avoiding any short piers of course.

I need a new rut to fall into and they don't sell those on eBay.

If you stay in a wire shopping trolley long enough your skin grows around it.

I've got a new fear to add to the list. Roaming gangs of organ traffickers.

Y'see what they do is stalk you, drug you, cut you open and the next thing you know is you wake up in a shopping trolley on the embankment minus a kidney. This is then sold on the black market so wealthy fatcats can play golf without denting their expensive clubs.

It has got to the point where I have hired my own gang of organ harvesters to provide me with a constant supply of spare kidneys just in case the inevitable happens.

Distant sound of train whistles.....

Number one with a mullet

Ask me how my day went.....

you
will
not
get
a
straight
answer

Proddy McDooly lives on a stooly.

If you took all the leftover tiles and spare rolls of wallpaper and half used tins of paint and junk that people always have left over at the end of doing up their place you could probably decorate the moon twice over.

It would however look like a celestial bag o' shit.....so don't.

What would happen if the moon got painted black? Is the moon too porous to accept paint without first using some sort of sealant?

I learned today what laconic means but then, in turn, forgot the meaning of prosaic. I think it must be this coffee flavour Pepsi.

Skint Imperial

I HAVE NO MONEY.

Less than no money.
There is nothing for it. Imperialism. I need to get my own empire.
Just find a small unassuming country, smack a flag in its face then exploit its resources for a while.

I'm thinking Fiji maybe. It shouldn't pose too much of a problem. Look out Fiji. I'm coming for ya!!!

Seeing as I have no money I am going to have to conduct my jingoism by cheaper means.

Does anyone know Fiji's email address?

Don't harpoon a gift horse in the mouth.

As of today I have decided that I will only eat what I need and only what I have, myself, caught and killed.

Inevitably this led to me, dressed in primitive furs, standing in Morrisons, shouting at the customer services operative to bring me a yak to butcher. I settled with harpooning a loaf of Tiger bread and survived for another day.

On a lighter note I found out that that thing in the Kebab shop is not called a 'Meat Lathe'. I don't actually know what it is called though so I will continue to call it so.

Golf is a good fight spoiled.

It's not as if I have anything against golf it's just that if I was rich and successful I could think of a dozen things I would rather do with my time and money.....No really I can......You don't believe me? Well here you are:

1. Helicopter jousting
2. Life size version of MB games' Operation.
3. Porta-Cabin racing.
4. Being Don Quixote.
5. Champagne bottle rockets
6. Truffle eating contest.
7. Putting some junk on eBay and artificially sky-rocketing the final price to record levels using your own money.
8. Build a giant robot.
9. Build a small robot.
10. Buy two countries and make them have paintball wars for your own amusement.
11. Make the biggest Ferrero Rochet pyramid.
12. Breed Bulldogs with other, less genetically malformed dogs until they are 'right' again.

Okay some of those are quite dumb. But twelve is a hard number to reach. So hard they named it twice.

Emerges from the well. Not quite stillborn. Go 286!!!

It is oh so hard to decide what to put in a first post. To assume this is a landmark occasion is a little egotistical, no? It is probably a tad optimistic to even think that anyone will see this.

I'm not even sure if this blog has a point. Other than to put something I have created forward in a vain attempt to get noticed. Maybe the internet itself will dismount from its lofty podium and come down and see me. Pat my head. Shake my hand and say, 'Well done my son. The world is a better place because of you. Have a Nutri-grain bar.'
I bet the Internet has strong arms.

I need an agenda.
Goals:
1. To get at least 50 hits from people I have not personally pointed here with the link-stick.
2. To become an internet legend overnight. Even if that night is several years long.
3. To find out what this blog is about.
4. To get some better goals.