Touche neckface

It has been a while since the last post. I've been pretty busy with a new job.

I'm 'Chief Snack Architect' for a big fat millionaire with no-neck and lactose intolerance.

I've found if I sneak dairy produce into his food I can steal all his rich-guy gewgaws while he's puking himself inside out.

I've invented loads of new recipes....

Cheese-dog: Hollowed out jumbo hot dog with a cheese string poked into it

Fried egghurts- Slice around the fried egg and replace the white bit with congealed yoghurt.

Milky grapes: Inject milk into grapes.

The hipponormous shovels them down regardless and is none the wiser.

So far I've stolen at least 100 buck$ worth of oversized trousers.

null null

If anyone asks my name is Jeff Bobdog and I live in Ormskirk with my three children.

There are discounts at stake. Maybe even vouchers.

scary clown cliche

Little Johnny,
Looks so bonny,
With a cheeky grin.

Wait a while,
See him smile,
When he don't got no skin.

Mu ha ha ha

Scary skin eating clowns for sale. 3 Buck$ per ounce.

orangutantrum

OO OO AH AH AH OO AH OO AAH AAAAAAAH!!!

Progress report

Almost a month has passed since the conception of this blog. I'm too lazy to check when the actual one month anniversary is though.

There has been no progress.

Guess I'll have to try harder.

Hnnnnnnngh!!

I'm off to play cards with one and a half vultures.

El capitan

I seem to be having trouble modulating the volume of my voice. I've also lost control of my face. A whisper becomes a shout and a smile becomes a gurn. Makes social situations very very awkward indeed.

It's a good job I have been able to avoid all social situations for the past year.... Or maybe they're avoiding me.

The answer is simple...

I have begun to adapt a garage door control to fit on my face as a way to control my smile. It looks like Robocop's junk is strapped to my face but conversely it makes it almost impossible for me to shout. Bonus ball!